


Inflexibility

by mooseman13579



Series: Sam Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Garrus Vakarian is also too old for this shit, Gen, Jacob is a punching bag, Manipulative Miranda, Perfect genetics don't have anything on superior training, Shepard is too old for this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4030147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooseman13579/pseuds/mooseman13579
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miranda Lawson is determined to prove that her catsuit is just as good as his armor, if not more so. To that end, she sets up a demonstration of it's capabilities to.... unexpected results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inflexibility

**Author's Note:**

  * For [copperbadge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/gifts).



It was two weeks of constant arguments later when Miranda provided what she believed to be iron-clad proof that her catsuit was superior to whatever the Commander would try to foist on her. To that effect, she’d summoned Shepard to the hangar and barely batted an eye when he’d chosen to come in his N7 armor, Garrus in tow.

“So glad you could join us, Commander,” Miranda said pleasantly, choosing to ignore the apathetic expressions on the soldiers’ faces as they lounged on the wall by the elevator. “Since we’ve been having so many disagreements about equipment, I’ve decided to give you proof for my argument. And since you’re so fond of physical demonstrations, I’ve set one up for you.” She gestured to the transformed hangar behind them. 

The layout for the new obstacle course alone had taken her a whole hour to think of, practically an eternity to a genius like her, and it had taken five for the crew to set up, a period not helped when she’d had to keep correcting them on details (really, she’d have to have a talk with the Illusive Man about his hiring practices after this). In the end, the obstacle course had tripwires, both physical and laser beam, at varying heights, automated shifting obstructions and protrusions, a tightrope, a live-fire turret gauntlet, and an encounter with Jacob just before the finish line. Each and every item had been specially selected to underline the capabilities of her suit, to show Shepard not just how wrong he was, but how lithe and sensuous she was in it, as per the Illusive Man’s orders.

“The outfit that you’re so critical of is my own design. It has two layers of microfiber armor, two layers of gel padding, a layer of moisture-wicking material, and more nanofiber strength-enhancers than you’ve had MREs. Add in the discrete shield generator and I have created something on par with a military-grade hardsuit with the flexibility of civilian wear.”  
Miranda demonstrated by lifting one leg until her ankle was level with her ear.

“It’s state of the art, really,” she said with a little smile. And with that, she took off running for the obstacle course.

Miranda had studied parkour once, and had found it lacking. Her movement through the tripwires was graceful, dodging, ducking, rolling, even running along the wall at one point, just to show off. The changing course of the next section was completely random thanks to a program she’d written on the fly during construction, but she put her post-parkour movement skills through their paces, dodging swinging beams coming in at head height and using shifting floors as a boost over higher obstructions. The tightrope was practically a joke strutted across. Even the turrets didn’t faze her as she ran, her kinetic barriers flickering and rippling like flowing water in the sun, each bullet stopping or deflecting harmlessly upon them. Finally, her fight with Jacob lasted all of ten seconds when she used her suit’s superior strength to throw him over her hip.

The flip over the finish line was a little too over the top, though.

She turned to Shepard and Garrus expectantly, a smug look on her face.

Which disappeared when she saw their bored expressions. And turned to anger when the Commander clapped three times sarcastically.

“Impressive,” Garrus said, his tone saying anything but. “Is it my turn yet, or do you want to go first Shepard?”

Shepard smiled, remembering what he’d learned about Turian military training. “I got this. You can go next.” Garrus grunted affirmative as the Commander straightened and stretched before he too ran for the obstacle course.

If Miranda had been graceful, Shepard was poetry in motion. He passed through the tripwires in a continuous handspring, subjecting them to nothing but a buffet of air as he passed. The more involved portion of the obstacle course didn’t even slow him down, if anything he sped up. His strategy was simply to stay at least three feet above the deck at all times as he ran across shifting beams, columns, and oscillating crates, never once stumbling,which allowed him to simply leap over the tightrope. And when he came to the turrets, it was almost comical as he cartwheeled past them with not a flicker from his shields. Even more comical was the way Shepard’s foot caught Jacob in the chin, flooring him again, as he cartwheeled past. Then he flipped twice in the air before landing at the finish line in a handstand.

One upside down eyebrow rose as he looked at Miranda’s stunned expression. “The best genetic engineering and armor money could buy, huh? You’ve got nothing on the N7 training course.” He walked towards the elevator, still inverted and hit the up button with his foot.

“I want you fitted for a hardsuit by tomorrow,” he called as the doors closed behind him. Miranda didn’t stop staring after him, even when Garrus pushed off the wall and ran the obstacle course with a whoop.

“Operative Lawson,” EDI stated over the hangar intercom , “Commander Shepard is causing a quantity of commotion among the crew. He is insists on making his social routine walking on his hands.” Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose.

“It’s not as bad as it could have been,” Garrus said, coming up beside her, having felled Jacob with a single punch. “I’d have done it blindfolded.”

**Author's Note:**

> The second part of the fanfic prompt turnaround by Copperbadge. For some reason, the image of Sam Shepard just waltzing through a hail of bullets untouched cracks me up.  
> Though not as much as him making his social rounds walking on his hands.


End file.
